Of Captain Marvel, Coconut and Copernicus

Book of the Week: Galileo’s Daughter by Dava Sobel

This is the blog that should have been, in more ways than one. It should have been posted over a month ago, but wasn’t – in the saddest and most unfortunate way possible, I found a much, much worthier subject. It should have been posted three weeks ago, but wasn’t – I couldn’t think of anything to write about, or make myself think of anything to write about. And when I finally roused myself out of my mental sluggishness, I couldn’t log onto Blogger – either my Mozilla Firefox or TMNet Malaysia’s broadband service was/is screwed. (And incidentally, is it log-on to, logon to, or log onto? Hello, Grammar Gestapo?)

If a day is a long time in politics, a week is like two months in the blogosphere. (Though that would sound about right to dogs, given the 1:7 human-canine lifespan ratio.) So many things change, so much more fodder for posts. Although I (and I’m sure a fair number of my friends) think that I sometimes run on a 286 processor in a wi-fi world, something I’ve become acutely aware of since I started this blog (particularly in the first week afterwards) is just how much actually happens in a week that I notice, take in and react to.

Perhaps it could just be me looking for interesting subjects for my posts. Or that the period Jan 4-11 2007 – before I got lost in my memories of Uncle Leong – was particularly interesting news-wise. But I’ve noticed that, for me at least, time seems goes a little slower when you bother to pay attention, be absorbed, and, most importantly, remember. (Admittedly, I don’t remember as much as I used to, but that may be due to the onset of Alzheimer’s... or my synapses being busted by that brain tumour I’m always so worried about...) Because, most importantly, this blog serves as a pseudo-journal – a snapshot of a period of time in my life, for what it’s worth.

And happily, I have remembered a lot from the past month, especially the last couple of weeks. It might be too early on in the year (and blog) to say this, but in the future maybe I’ll think a little more carefully before answering, “Oh, the usual” when asked how my week was. My first post feels like such a long time ago now, when it used to be that weeks became months in the blink of an eye. I won’t go as far as to say having a blog is a paradigm shift, but it does seem to be achieving what I had hoped it would when I started it: forcing me to think, and then write about it.

Before Uncle Leong, my post was going to be about Bryan Robson, ex-Manchester United and England captain, turning 50. FEEF-TEE. Good grief, haven’t the last 25 years just flown by. Like I needed another reason to be depressed. This year I will be the same age Bryan Robson was when my dehydration as a loss of oral fluids every time I saw him started to peak. My classmates had Rob Lowe and Simon Le Bon; I had Captain Marvel. He was, so to speak, my first older man, and I adored him for the better part of 12 years. At the height of my obsession, I could spout Bryan Robson trivia like the Trevi fountain gushes water. I’m not going to repeat them here, but there’s a pretty good selection on Wikipedia. Crikey, he’s an OBE now, too.

I loved Manchester United way back then, but Robbo gave me more reason to do so, and as a result – deep dark secret coming out – supported England for a bit. But, mind you, this was in the era of maestros like Gary Lineker and hard men like Terry Butcher, long before pretty-boy poseurs like Beckham came along. Robbo was the reason I crawled out of bed at 2am on a school night to turn on the TV, once a year in May when RTM magnanimously decided to telecast FA Cup semis and finals. I’d yelp, cheer, groan, heart thumping all the way (Manchester United v Oldham, 1990, comes to mind), then crawl back under the covers for another 90 minutes before getting up for school. It’s probably just as well that Astro only arrived in Malaysia in the mid-90s, as a) I’d have driven up my folks up the wall begging them to subscribe, and, had they relented (not on your life), would have led to b) my exam results being even more rubbish.

He was the reason I yearned to go to the UK – but alas, watching him play was not to be. And whilst my reasons for going to the UK are a little more mundane now, it still feels like it is not to be, no thanks to the good folk in charge of visas in Malaysia (I shan’t name them). The application process for my Fresh Talent visa is driving me nuts. I understand if you are being very thorough with my application because there has been an alarming rise in the number of forgeries, but what drives me crazy is being asked jobsworth questions like, “How do we know this offer of work is genuine?” (Um, it’s official company stationery with a phone number and address – maybe you could call the undersigned?), “How do we know you lived at this address?” (Er, my bank statements, university correspondence, and even my pap smear results carry that address – what do you mean, that’s not proof?), and “How do we know you were actually in Scotland and attended this university?” (Oh, I don’t know, I guess those two letters from my supervisors and official formal recognition from the university don’t count – I suppose you think I skived off home to Malaysia every weekend...) I swear, sitting there with the interviewer feels like a practical session in the cognitive theories of deduction at times. And another thing – why they couldn’t have told me about their 89-day policy on any one of the half dozen times I called them to check if I could forward-date my visa is beyond me. Nett result: a whole month wasted. Bureaucratic efficiency at its best.

But the good news on the UK front is that, firstly, I now know I AM HOT. The editor of the local rival newspaper sent me an e-mail on Friday offering me a job. Had to turn him down, not least because I’ve already signed the contract with my employers, but also because my employers were so keen they were willing to wait six months for me. But still, at least now I know what it must be like to be wooed and fought over. Sigh. Life is so difficult when everybody wants you.

Secondly, my cheapo regional budget airline of choice has gone international. Air Asia X will launch its KL-London/Manchester service in the middle of the year (at least, that’s what everyone hopes), and for a good little tight-fisted Hokkien girl who will start work in ang moh land in May (if her @#$%!!! visa comes through, that is), that news is akin to the satisfying clink of coins in the piggy bank. If I book quickly and far enough in advance, I might only need to pay £210 return to KL, in comparison to at least £500 on Emirates (more on MAS and SIA, the pirates). Entertainment and food aren’t included, but that’s what books are for, right? Feed the brain... and, if really hungry, maybe the tum... But seriously, with prices starting at £9, it’s tempting not to care what the green campaigners say. I might even cut up my Emirates frequent flyer card (they still owe me 12,050 miles anyway).

And speaking of books, the one I have just finished reading would be exactly the sort I would bring on board an Air Asia X flight. To read about daily life in 17th-century Italy when Copernicus’ idea of a heliocentric planetary system was heresy, whilst circumnavigating eight time zones, would be just too delicious. What I loved about Galileo’s Daughter, was how, whilst hammering home how stifling and repressive religion can be, it was also a gentle reminder how faith and science need not necessarily be mutually exclusive. Sobel weaves the contradictions and cohesion of the arguments beautifully and seamlessly. What bugged me was realizing that the attitude and spirit of the Catholic church towards Galileo’s discoveries is still alive and kicking in the 21st century. Sobel wrote that Galileo’s trail was one on so many levels: “the suppression of science by religion, the defence of individualism against authority, the clash between revolutionary and establishment, the challenge of radical new discoveries to ancient beliefs, the struggle against intolerance for freedom of thought and freedom of speech.” What’s tragic is that ideas don’t even have to be “religious” or “heretical” to be accorded the same treatment. To some, even the notions of democracy and sexual equality are abhorrent and alien. When new, exciting scientific discoveries are made some people actually scoff at them, because they are “breakthroughs”, are “too new and still need to be tested”, or simply because they go against the conventions and ideas they are familiar with. And that is what I don’t understand. You’d think people would be excited about the possibilities of discovering worlds, things, facts yet unknown.

Actually, that’s probably how my Mum felt last week. I finally got around to teaching her how to use a computer and get on the internet, from plugging in cables into ports and switching off the PC (“Click on the green square labelled ‘Start’ in the bottom left hand corner of the screen...”). Mum’s nearly 63 and, while not exactly technophobic, has always been worried about using the PC – but only because she doesn’t know what to do. It was really quite challenging trying to compile a very detailed step-by-step guide in a register she would understand. The entire exercise made me realize how much we actually take our PC knowledge for granted: “double-click” became “click twice in quick succession on the left mouse button”. It was a learning experience for the both of us, but a very satisfying one, and I’m so happy that Mum is gaining confidence daily – I’ll probably teach her how to Google and log onto (log-on to?) websites over Chinese New Year.

I love Chinese New Year, and this year I have an extra-special reason to look forward to it: just five days after the full celebrations are over, Gareth will be here for two weeks, and two weeks after he leaves, we’ll meet up in New Zealand. I bought my ticket to Auckland on February 1 at the MAS travel fair, and booked my domestic flight (Auckland-Christchurch) online on February 9. The travel fair was crazy. It started at midnight on February 1, and you could only book online, by calling the MAS call centre, or at MAS travel agents. I couldn’t get onto the website, or a free line, despite waking up and trying four times during the night (1am, 2.30am, 4am, 5.30am). No chance. In the morning, I rushed to the MAS office – only 15 minutes from my folks’ place, but it felt like it took forever getting through traffic – only to find that it had closed down. Managed to find a travel agent with a very competitive fare (RM2662, or about £380) and picked up my ticket later that afternoon. Gareth has booked all our transport and accommodation in New Zealand, which means I only need to get my dorm room in Auckland for April 2 and we’re all sorted! I can’t wait!

It’s really just too bad Gareth won’t be here for Chinese New Year – I think he’d enjoy it. But ah well, 2008 might be better. It’ll be the Year of the Rat – a new cycle marking the end of my third full one. I’ve already convinced him to come back with me next February – that is, if the family doesn’t scare him too much on this trip. He’ll be here in exactly 25 days (cannae wait!), and to help me make sure that the Malaysia is the best leg of his round-the-world trip, Miks and I went out on January 7 for a little drive. It didn’t really start out that way – I wanted to go to The Curve to exchange a Christmas present of bedlinen (wrong duvet size) – but the traffic at the turn-off was backed up a mile, so we wound up at Batu Caves instead, gaping at the world’s tallest Lord Murugan statue (140ft). It makes for a pretty cool photo, and Gareth does love stuff like that. Miks and I also debated the merits of our favourite eateries, as we plan to pump Gareth full of local food – the last time he was in this part of the world, he was your typical frightened ang moh who survived on Oliver’s Super Sandwiches and fish and chips.

And if I’m lucky, Gareth also won’t get to meet Coconut, a cute little (but not for long the way he’s eating) guinea pig. I met him at my cousin Sue Anne’s, when we congregated there after Uncle Leong’s funeral, and have had him since January 14. The poor darling had already been dumped by two owners – one allegedly only after a week, because the family didn’t like cleaning up the poo. That’s your average Malaysian pet owner for you: Shock! Horror! It pees! It shits! It comes with an asshole! (And no, I’m not referring to the previous owners...) So poor Coconut was “given away” to Sue Anne (what really makes me mad is that the family made it look as if by giving Coconut to her, they were doing her a favour). But my aunt objected – and so Coconut ended up with me. Coconut is just the name Sue Anne and I gave him – if he had a name before, his owners didn’t think it was important enough to pass on. They didn’t know his sex either, but then, neither do we. I’m not exactly an expert at sexing guinea pigs – I’m just going on the two not-too-pendulous protuberances between his legs. There’s no willy immediately visible neither...

Coconut is just so funny and friendly, I really don’t know how anyone could just have chucked him out. He’s still not used to being carried and fussed over, but he is used to both Miks and me now, and comes up to sniff us when we approach instead of scampering back into a hidey-hole. I like to think that he’s having the time of his life with me – I’ve made him a GPAC (guinea pig activity centre) out of shoe boxes, paper bags and tins, so he has plenty of places to hide, explore and rest in. I read up loads on guinea pigs but Coconut has only displayed atypical cavy behaviour: he hasn’t yet “popcorned”, or stayed awake during the day. He just sleeps, plays and eats when he’s bored.

And he never stops munching! Dad noticed it when I went home last week – he watched Coconut and said, “That’s all you do. Eat! Eat! Eat!” Dogs are so much easier to take care of, but guinea pigs are fun in their own way, too. Coconut’s arrival has made me so much more aware of what new parents must go through: x number of feedings at regular intervals throughout the day, changing soiled newspapers (even his droppings are cute – they look like uniform little sausages!), and coaxing the stubborn mite to eat something that’s good for him. (Guinea pigs, like humans, cannot manufacture or store vitamin C, and so need an adequate daily supply of it.) He went through a “junk food phase”, refusing to consume anything but cucumber, but now also eats cabbage, carrots, coriander and apples, which he absolutely loves. Mum hit upon the brilliant idea of giving him sugar cane to gnaw on, and he chewed it all up in no time. Went to sleep lying on one, if I remember correctly.

I just hope I can find a good Mummy or Daddy for Coconut before I leave for ang moh land. I don’t want someone who will just chuck him in his cage and never play with him or just feed him pellets. Coconut’s a free-range guinea pig right now, and gets lots of veg and fruit and fresh water – the last owner obviously didn’t change his water for ages, and as a result the water bottle was choked with moss. Coconut needs someone who understands that he gets grumpy too, and will nip you if you don’t respect his space. I would bring him to the UK if I could, but I can’t. If anyone out there knows of someone who can give Coconut a good home, please do get in touch.

And thanks to Coconut, I now have my very first photo on the blog:

Isn’t he just adorable??? He’s a lot fatter now, though...

More new-look blog stuff: I’ve also decided to change Factoid of the Day to Factoids of the Week, just because I a) can; b) love trivia; c) don’t post on a daily basis; and d) think just the one fact is simply not enough. (Though Factoids for This Particular Blog would be more accurate, as I hardly post on a weekly basis... but we shall see...) There are just way too many cool factoids to be found in the daily newspapers, or floating about in cyberspace, to ignore (the BBC and The Sun Online come to mind – although sometimes the latter might have to be taken with a pinch of salt and a little more substantiation).

But back to Chinese New Year. It won’t be the same without Uncle Leong around. I shall miss him; it still doesn’t feel like he’s gone forever. I still expect to hear him pick up the phone when I call, and sometimes I dream about him. I guess that goes to show how much a part of my life he was. I didn’t have to write all that down but I felt I should, because I might read this post again in the future, and I want to remember how I felt about things that were important to me at this point in my life.

That said, on to the new-look bookend.

Factoids of the Week:
Thanks to fare hikes last month, the 0.26km Piccadilly Line journey from Covent Garden to Leicester Square – the shortest on the Tube – is now the most expensive train ride in the world. At £4, the one stop works out to be 1.5p per metre, more than 12 times more expensive than the London-Venice Orient Express (0.13p). In comparison, a subway ride costs £1.50 on the Tokyo metro (the second most expensive train ride in the world) and £1.07 in New York.

This is a bit stale, but oh, the delicious irony. In a survey published in May last year, Google found that of the top 10 countries searching for sex-related sites, six were Muslim, with Pakistan topping the list. The other Muslim countries were Egypt (2), Iran (4), Morocco (5), Saudi Arabia (7) and Turkey (8). The other (non-Muslim) countries on the list were Vietnam (3), India at (6), Philippines (9) and Poland (10). (From the Daily Times of Pakistan, May 17 2006)

The world’s first scientific society, the Lyncean Academy, was founded in Rome by 18-year-old Federico Cesi, the marquis of Monticelli. They sure don’t make teenagers like they used to.

Instant noodles were invented in 1958 by Momofuku (what a name!) Ando, founder of Nissin Food Products. He was inspired to develop the product after coming across a long line of people waiting to buy fresh ramen noodles from a black market stall during the food shortages after WW2. He died January 5 aged 96... which makes me wonder if instant noodles really are all that bad for health. I need to know because I am addicted to them.

Suor Maria Celeste Galilei (Galileo’s daughter) is buried with him in his tomb in the church of Santa Croce in Florence.

This one’s for those of you with problems controlling the thunder from down under. A US underwear company has given a whole new meaning to “farty pants”. Under-Tec have created undies, called Under-Ease, “a new generation of protective underwear for flatulence”, which they say eliminate pooey pongs. The undies are machine-washable, and can be worn anytime, anywhere, although they are not recommended for use in a hot tub or swimming pool. “Gas Eaters” and plus-sizes also available. It doesn’t say anything about the sound though – guess they’re working on the bum muffler next. I wish there were more photos on the website, too – will the Under-Ease, like adult diapers, make you look like you’ve had a shit in your pants?

I’m committing this one to memory just for all the guys I know. (Evil cackle.) There’s a vampire piscean called the candiru, or toothpick fish, which is small enough to get into teeny orifices... more specifically, the male pisshole. Once inside, it erects a spine and feeds off blood and tissue. (From, where else but the BBC – “10 Things We Didn’t Know” in the Magazine Monitor is fantastic!) Just the sort of mental image you wanna have to get you in the mood for Valentine’s Day.